Some words for my younger sister

Dear stupid neighbors,

I'm sure you've noticed by now that I have a dog.  Unlike you, Lucky is a kind, compassionate soul who would never think of harming anyone.  Considering that you also own pets, I am shocked that you thought shooting off fireworks was a good idea tonight.  Maybe I'm feeding Ultra Calm Biscuits to the wrong party.  Just a thought.  ~Chris

On behalf of those who are unable to speak for themselves, mostly because they are too busy cowering in a dark basement, under a stuffy bed, or kitchen table, I am asking you all to consider your 4th of July celebrations.  Enjoy your BBQ's, wear your sunscreen, but please, take it easy with the fireworks, especially if you live in a pet-populated suburban area.  The shiny explosives aren't too good for you, either.